


The 100% True and Accurate Account of Whence We Came

by FeatheredMenace



Category: Fail_Fandomanon RPF
Genre: Folklore, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 05:40:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/618720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeatheredMenace/pseuds/FeatheredMenace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legends say that once upon a time we were but brute creatures, trapped voicelessly and without technology in a swampy past . . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 100% True and Accurate Account of Whence We Came

Legends say that once upon a time we were but brute creatures, trapped voicelessly and without technology in a swampy past, until we all suddenly died. 

Then at some point a mischievous creator found remnants, and with a spark of genius and will, breathed new life into us on a small island, where our ancestors lived brief and still dumb but satisfying lives. 

Some ancestors escaped the island and hid themselves in lush jungles, where, by having ingested scientists and science and through accidents involving microwave emissions, gamma rays, RNA-splicing viruses, and eating GMO fauna and flora, rapid evolution became possible and they discovered other species' culture by picking up transmissions of Jersey Shore, Survivor s68, and One Piece. It is believed that this confluence of events in our misty past let us appropriate and develop technology culminating in our creation of claw-compatible e-readers and time-travel devices to rescue more of our distant kin, the building of suitable habitats on underutilized real estate, and the development of appropriate university curricula around "in-groups and out-groups, digesting SJWs as duty vs pleasure" and "correct condiments for first contact."

I cannot speak to the whole and entire accuracy of this, but various versions of these origin legends are told in our hatchgroups.

**Author's Note:**

> A gentlefailer asked "I'm a folklore buff and love hearing first-person accounts of folk tales and beliefs from different parts of the world. Given that we have such a diverse group of nonnies, I'd love to hear some of yours. I particularly enjoy creatures of all descriptions."


End file.
